New mom names daughter after late mother-in-law, offends husband's step mom who was her nemesis: 'I will not change my child's name because it hurts her feelings'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 20, 2024 6:00 PM EST

The only thing more complicated than your relationship with your mom and dad is if one or both of them choose to remarry. Stepparents can be a major adjustment, especially if you're a kid and if they don't exactly make your transition to a new family simple. As a result, it's not uncommon to grow up having a complicated and eventually distant relationship.

Unfortunately, if you have issues these don't necessarily go away when you become an independent adult. In fact, it can sometimes bring up old wounds. This is something that one couple faced after they chose to name their daughter after her late paternal grandmother. When the step-grandmother found out, she protested as she had had an acrimonious relationship with her stepson's mom when she was alive. She and her husband tried to pressure the new parents into renaming the baby, but they were having none of it.

 

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    Cheezburger Image 10430712576
    via ElectricalLeague1580

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for telling my husband's dad and dad's wife that I will not change our daughter's name because it hurts the wife's feelings?
    via ElectricalLeague1580
  • 03
    My husband's (29m) parents divorced when he was 2. His dad married again 2 years later. FIL's wife is Sharon. Sharon and my late MIL, who di d when my husband was 8, were on very bad terms. Sharon said my MIL made her life h I, wished her de d, laughed when she suffered three back to back miscarriages, tried to get CPS to take custody from FIL and her and tried to get her out of the picture for good with CPS. Sharon said the only reason my husband never called her anything other than Sharon and
    via ElectricalLeague1580
  • 04
    FILs own siblings have said this is not accurate and Sharon and MIL just disliked each other. That yeah, MIL was dismissive of Sharon's role at times and didn't regard her as equal in parenting, but was nowhere near as bad as Sharon and FIL claim.
    via ElectricalLeague1580
  • 05
    When my MIL di d my husband's relationship with FIL and with Sharon deteriorated significantly. He forbid them from attending the funeral for him and said if they tried to come he would run away until he was placed with other family members. My husband told me about this himself. FIL and Sharon said they feared my husband would start lashing out at them and Sharon was pregnant at the time so they gave in. They say my husband hates them for not being there. He said them following through and not
    via ElectricalLeague1580
  • 06
    By the time we met in college he was pretty low on contact with them. There has been some more in the last couple of years but barely. I got the whole story from him and how rocky stuff was there and I knew he never planned to be very close to them. Sharon calls my husband her son, she actually introduced herself to me as his mom, and was shocked that I knew she wasn't his mom. I haven't met her or FIL too much. I know my husband's extended family far better. He's much closer to them than FIL, S
    via ElectricalLeague1580
  • 07
    I gave birth to our daughter recently and we named her after MIL. My husband did not invite FIL or Sharon to meet our daughter but they found out via social media about the name we chose and they reached out to ask him why. Then they approached me at the mall a couple of days ago and asked me to talk to them. They told me they found out her name and they wanted to know why we'd do that to Sharon and how could I be okay with my daughter being used to hurt her feelings. They said I should insist o
    via ElectricalLeague1580
  • 08
    United-Signature-414 how could I be okay with my daughter being used to hurt her feelings Imagine thinking a man named his child after his de d mother at you. This says a whole lot about why the relationship with the stepmom never flourished. NTA at all.
    via United-Signature-414
  • 09
    Toy_Soulja Yeah came here to say that, cannot belive the audacity to accuse someone of intentionally trying to hurt their feelings by naming their child after their de d mother, like holy sh you seriously think the world revolves around you smfh and your just gonna come out and say it with zero shame and THEN recommend you change your child's name, have you considered SHARON?!?? Like seriously I'm dying, I see posts like this and genuinely hope they are fake, how do people like this make it to a
    via Toy_Soulja
  • 10
    missemgeebee This actually happened to my parents when my sister was born. My dad grew up in a household where his late mother's name wasn't spoken. When my parents unknowingly gave my sister the same name as my late grandmother, his step mother took offence. I still can't believe this. My dad saw a picture of his mum for the first time when his stepmother di d. He was 70.
    via missemgeebee
  • 11
    velvety_chaos Sharon is a narcissist, through and through. Imagine having any kind of relationship with your stepchild, but especially a bad one, and being "shocked" that their partner/fiancée/wife knows you're not their biological mom - imagine trying to represent yourself as their biological mom!!! The audacity. What a bunch of weirdos. NTA.
    via velvety_chaos
  • 12
    HappySparklyUnicorn Considering how they found out the kids name via social media and not in person or even a phone call it screams that the husband and his dad and Sharon aren't close.
    via HappySparklyUnicorn
  • 13
    calling_water Yes. Sharon has "been here all this time", really? Been remote from her stepson, getting ignored all this time. She's just using the situation to once more raise her head and whine about how she's the one who should be special, when she very much is not. Could even be intended to keep the rift going between her husband and his son, in case the grandchild's birth makes OP's FIL consider reconnecting and actually listening to his son for a change.
    via calling_water
  • 14
    dncrmom NTA Sharon seems to be suffering from main character syndrome. The name of your child has nothing to do with her. Your husband barely has a relationship with her. Suggest therapy.
    via dncrmom
  • 15
    RevolutionaryHeron1 Second that! I read it as "step mom is a narcissist and upset step son won't erase his biological mom from memory"
    via RevolutionaryHeron1
  • 16
    Financial_Bear_5071 NTA and hand this back to your husband to deal with. He's done a great job of putting them back in their place throughout his life, and this is just one more time. NtA.
    via Financial_Bear_5071
  • 17
    ElectricalLeague1580 OP He's weighing what he does now but he thinks cutting all contact is likely the best way forward because they don't bring joy to us.
    via ElectricalLeague1580
  • 18
    LilHarleywithaQ I love your Marie Kondo approach to them lol
    via LilHarleywithaQ
  • 19
    Electrical League1580 OP My husband really had that stick with him when he heard it. He said it should apply to relationships too because if relationships never bring you joy then you know they aren't good for you.
    via ElectricalLeague1580
  • 20
    cutie_likes_bag22 Why FIL and Sharon felt it was appropriate to approach a newborn's mother and demand a name change is the actual question. Unquestionably NTA.
    via cutie_likes_bag22
  • 21
    ElectricalLeague 1580 OP Guess they saw me as an easy person to force this idea on.
    via ElectricalLeague1580
  • 22
    Silly_Dragonfly4 NTA, but save yourself a lot of drama and grief and just go NC. They will not change and you should focus on your daughter and husband and those who love and respect you.
    via Silly_Dragonfly4
  • 23
    Loose-Fold6570 So Sharon's mad your husband wouldn't call her Mom when he already had a mom? And she's mad his mom didn't treat her like an equal third parent? And they also believe that your husband actually WANTED them at his mom's funeral when he said otherwise?...Have you figured out why they think Sharon was more worthy of having your kid named after her than his own mom? Do they really believe she was more of a mom to him than his own mom was even though your husband and Sharon weren't clo
    via Loose-Fold6570
  • 24
    Bad2bBiled NTA. Their behavior in blindsiding you with a "conversation" in which they place themselves at the center of the birth of your child says that your husband has been making the right choices all along.
    via Bad2bBiled
  • 25
    VelCerith NTA, your child's name isn't about Sharon's feelings. Focus on your family instead.
    via VelCerith
  • 26
    Material_Assumption Ewww, take a long hot shower after that sticky situation. I am upset for you and your husband, NTA. Listen to more stories from extended family on his upbringing. It will vindicate any possible guilt you may feel. Lastly, speaking from experience, the next action they will take is going around to get family/friends support about how cruel you are. Get ahead and start confiding in family the real story around naming your daughter.
    via Material_Assumption
  • 27
    WannaSeeMyBirthmark NTA. Sounds like Sharon is bitterly jealous of a de d woman. She needs to get over it.
    via WannaSeeMyBirthmark

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aita baby baby names revenge husband argument baby name mother in law family reddit thread Reddit mom
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